I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
