I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
