fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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