dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
