can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They took my balls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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