Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
