my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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