Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My room smells like vodka and shame
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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