In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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