they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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