Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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