The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
