is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
