her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
