Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
