4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I believe in your delicious
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
