conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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