I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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