Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
