Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
