Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize