I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Randomize
