Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
