I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
