I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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