the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
