Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize