her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
