I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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