Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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