I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize