i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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