sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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