I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
