as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize