I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
