I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
