He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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