he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
