So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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