so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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