Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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