Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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