Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just googled if crying burns calories
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
