Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
