I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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