All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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