does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
