I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We need to get me chipped asap
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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