Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
