I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
