Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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