I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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