you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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