she was so not down for the gang bang
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
