I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You are a genius and a whore.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
