Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
