Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
