I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
