Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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