Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
