Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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